Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
