using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
