I met the friendliest cop last night
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
