Im at strip club and am horny
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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