I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
