I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
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