What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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