ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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