oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
