Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
