Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
