Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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