tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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