i jhust puked up my retainher.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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