Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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