Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
