New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
