he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
