so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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