I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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