Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
