I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
