Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
