I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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