I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
