Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
