Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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