At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
