First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
