I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
