What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
