Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
