just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
