I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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