Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Nicole vs. Life
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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