Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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