i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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