remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
