sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
