i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
