Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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