I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
