So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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