just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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