nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
