it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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