i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
