i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
