he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
