If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
